My cousin Geoffrey suggested this first line to me. I wrote for five minutes. This is what I got. (If any of you have any more suggestions for prompts please let me know.)
I never did like buttered toast. That is, until Renee backed over my cat. The cat’s fine by the way. The Segway is beyond repair of course.
You should know that my cousin Pete gave me that cat. It was a Tiger shipped all the way from Africa or maybe South America….no Africa! And Segways should come with labels letting you know that if you run into a tiger the Segway will break and the tiger will chase you up a tree. It took me two hours to get Renee down from the tree which was really inconvenient because we were late for the ugly baby festival (ugly baby festivals are the best kind of festivals where I come from). We also didn’t have a Segway to get us there. Renee and I walked halfway across town when we realized that we had left the tickets on my kitchen counter. We went over to the courthouse to buy more tickets but didn’t have any money. Renee started singing the Star Spangled Banner hoping that someone would buy us some tickets (people are more patriotic where I come from). Unfortunately Renee’s singing sounds like a mule in heat and all we got were tickets to the buttered toast festival. We decided to quit while we were ahead and walked back across town. It was at the festival that I realized that I had been spreading butter on my toast all wrong. I had been spreading it with a knife when I should have been using duck feathers. The duck feathers bring out the flavor in butter. So maybe it’s a good thing they don’t put anti-tiger warning labels on segways. You never know what you are going to learn.
